Every year me, my sister, my cousins, my aunt and my grandmother all have a girls day out and go shopping together. Last year, just a month and a half after Leslie died we all went shopping together. I think we each cried at different times. This year will be just as rough. I still miss just as much. Sometimes I think it hurts more because it's longer that I haven't got to see her. I wish she could watch our little cousin Devon now that he's walking. And I want her to be able to see our cousin Garrett before he goes to Guam. My life, my family, has altered greatly in just a little over a year. I honestly feel like a different person now and I don't know if that's good or bad. Sadie is amazing. I still miss Bear. I have other girls saying I'll be your sister. Which is a nice gesture but obviously does not count. All of my typing seems random. Sorry about that. I'm also worried. I have several essays I'm working on my school. I thinking I'm coming done with something. I feel like crap. Oh well...
Semester is over. Time of truth.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
My Birthday
I told my roommate Tadashi first what's been on my mind: I'm about to have my 24th birthday. It's not a huge milestone or anything, but that's how old Leslie was when she died. It's depressing. A little sister should never have to catch up in age to her older sister. I still celebrated Leslie's 25th birthday and I will every birthday after that, but I feel like her mind and body are frozen in time. No one will ever see what she would look like if she were older than 24. She never got to have her dream wedding or start a family like she wanted. If things go as they should, I will have done all those things in my lifetime.
This year I will be 24. Next year I will be 25; one of the many things Leslie will never get to do. Spring 2012 I will graduate with my Masters degree. That's probably the first thing I will get to experience before her even though she was heading toward that goal first. This year I watched one of her favorite books that had been turned into a movie. I hung up the Christmas lights, her annual tradition. I got to eat lunch with Scott today, Leslie's love of her life. They were so close to getting married I feel like he's my brother. Though Leslie is gone, all the bonds she helped me form during her life remain and in a weird way feel stronger.
It feels like Leslie's life and my life are slowly blending together since I'm doing things she was doing before she passed away. Normally I would be looking at what Leslie had done recently and think to myself, "I will get to do that too someday." Now that I've caught up to her, I feel like my life isn't real. It's just a dream and I try to just get through each day. Leslie's my best friend. Everything feels hollow without her.
This year I will be 24. Next year I will be 25; one of the many things Leslie will never get to do. Spring 2012 I will graduate with my Masters degree. That's probably the first thing I will get to experience before her even though she was heading toward that goal first. This year I watched one of her favorite books that had been turned into a movie. I hung up the Christmas lights, her annual tradition. I got to eat lunch with Scott today, Leslie's love of her life. They were so close to getting married I feel like he's my brother. Though Leslie is gone, all the bonds she helped me form during her life remain and in a weird way feel stronger.
It feels like Leslie's life and my life are slowly blending together since I'm doing things she was doing before she passed away. Normally I would be looking at what Leslie had done recently and think to myself, "I will get to do that too someday." Now that I've caught up to her, I feel like my life isn't real. It's just a dream and I try to just get through each day. Leslie's my best friend. Everything feels hollow without her.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Nothing but OSU Haters
For as long as I can remember, I have heard people discuss how OSU has improved but at the moment of truth they will choke. This season the cowboys proved everyone wrong. They slaughtered at Bedlam and the only game they lost was on the road in a double over time and after learning some of their OSU faculty was killed in a plane crash. This team deserves much more recognition and respect than the rest of the country is giving them. I am so sick of hearing the SEC this the SEC that. From what I understand LSU and Alabama did not have that hard of a season. How do we know they're good if they didn't play anyone!? Meanwhile the Cowboys played ranked teams and teams with a winning season. The most annoying aspect of this season has been hearing the ESPN reporters lobbying for LSU and Alabama. And that Herbstreit guy is a joke. I've never seen a more biased individual. OSU was statistically higher than Alabama when the BCS looked at the computer scoring. So that means it was other biased coaches who determined the outcome of the BCS championship match up, not skill. Let's not forget that the last time LSU and Alabama played was a snooze fest. I guarantee you this Cowboys fan won't be watching this disgrace of a rematch. Maybe if Alabama trully deserved 2nd place, but without my favoritism even, the Cowboys were clearer the better of the two teams.
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